Get Out Of My Face- I'm Taking A Bath- I Need Some Me Time!

   These are words we want to say sometimes- right?  Only me, sometimes I like to add F*ck Off as well…in my head tho…of course!  I mean a proper lady can’t use this profane language- or can she….

   Truthfully I have no desire to hurt anyone else’s feelings, just a massive need to take care of my own precious energy.  The sad truth is, as women we are trained responders both by nature and by society’s shaping.  We are servers, nurturers, care-givers.  We are given the highest praises for looking after everyone-else’s needs and sadly, there is a fatal flaw with all of this.  WE somehow have learned to  negate our own needs.  

  I’m not kidding when I say fatal.   I’m in full agreement with Louise Hay’s list of psychological causes for our physical ailments.  Breast Problems- a refusal to nourish the self.  Putting everyone else first.  Over-mothering.

Cancer- Deep hurt.  Longstanding resentment,

The thing is I would not call it a refusal because this signifies choice.  I think many women do not even understand that they have a choice to NOT respond; that they are a valuable being and that they are allowed to say YES to themselves! (And NO to others)

    From the very earliest years we are praised for all that we do for others, for helping mom in the kitchen, for looking after our baby brothers or sisters.  Women are expected to be kind to everyone, to be nice- to do good things for others…

And yet… It’s perfectly acceptable for men to be aggressive, to say no- to put themselves first- because we, women, have put them first.  Mothers have given their mail children more attention- perhaps through their own negation of self.

   All I can tell you is this.  It’s time to change this perspective we have adopted- to put everyone else’s needs before our own.   It’s time to say F*ck off!  I need some me time! I’m- taking a bath!

    Self love- yes we’re back here again.  This is where you dare to be you- to acknowledge you have needs, important needs- for space, creative time alone, regeneration.  More than time for the gym or the hairdresser or a pedicure- not that these things are not important- but I feel we need more.  Maybe it’s simply a walk in nature, or a coffee with a girlfriend.  Or maybe it’s just a night where you lock yourself in, order Chinese and watch a good chick flick.   It’s where you say no to the needs of the masses and yes to yourself- to catch up with your favourite person- YOU!

      I know this might seem very uncomfortable for some- but as you begin to fall more in love with yourself- you will begin to put your own needs first.  (After you figure out what they are.)

    I know this is easier said than done- so I’ll give you some steps you can take toward self-courtship.

Step #1.    You do not need the love of others to feel loved.  I know it seems like you do- but the honest truth is this is a decision you have to make for yourself- a paradigm shift- to really believe that you are worthy…you decide, not allow someone else to. TAKE THIS STEP.  I’s a biggy. Make the commitment to YOU.

Step #2.  This step is not quite as steep and can be fun.  While you’re sitting in your hot bath, ask yourself- “What do I really need?  What lights me up?” If you start thinking about looking after the grandkids, or making your hubby a gourmet meal- STOP.   What lights YOU up- something you can do for and with yourself.  Is it taking a painting class?  Buying a journal to express your deepest thoughts?  Reading a book- or even writing one?  Is it baking something chocolate just for yourself?  Maybe you want to learn to ride a horse or even learn anew instrument.  (I’m dying to buy a set of drums)

Step #3- Take yourself out on a date.  No husband, no kids.  Just you.  Take yourself out for coffee, maybe check out an art gallery- go to a movie WITH yourself.  You see, as you begin to acknowledge that you are a beautiful self- you will no longer be doing things BY yourself but rather WITH your amazing self- and man you will discover you are great company!

Step #4- continue to do step one two and three on an ongoing basis! Daily!

I know you’re thinking What?? I‘v got  a family to take care of. See right there, you are assuming that there is not someone else who can hold the fort for a while and trust me, as you begin to hand over some of your responsibilities, you will feel better and as you feel better the QUALIY of what you give will improve.  Relationships will begin to flourish and flower.  But mostly YOU will begin to flourish and flower.  Nothing could be more important than your relationship with yourself.

Here are some gentle reminders for you.   No person will ever say, “stop doing so much for me- don’t make me dinner tonight, stop doing all the things you do that make me feel so good.”

Only you can know when it’s time to retreat and regenerate and only you can take those steps to care for yourself.

Here is a clue as when your tank is nearing empty. If water is coming from your eyes, it is time to re-fill your own watering can and shower in self-love.  Figure out what is is that refuels you. (again not helping others) and do it.

 And please, I urge you, to read step # 1 over and over.

  This fills me- writing, drawing, music and definitely chines food and netflix.  

xoxoxo

Sharron